(8) "We don't sleep very much - these triggers ache for the touch..." (8)

Angry.
Legitimately PISSED OFF.

I trusted them.
Loved them as my own family.
And they lied.
Consecutively, and intentionally.
Tried to lead me into a giant abyss of lies, and take everyone else with me.
Liars and thieves.
Almost made me destroy my family and alienate my real friends.
Hypocrites.
You leave me and my family, and then call us sectarian, a denomination?!
I swear, if I didn't love you the way I do, I would've already created a hole the size of Mother American and Father Russia, COMBINED, through wherever you guys meet.
Honestly, you broke my heart, and manipulated me.
May God have mercy on you, because I know I won't.

--

Sorry, I was just really mad at a group of people.
I have the tendency to vent at times.
I hope this week will turn out better :)

-Aimann L. Balatayo
Sadman.Actual

p.s.: The subject line is a lyric piece from "Elective Amnesia" by Rise Against.

♫ "A stranger's up ahead, holding up a knife - trying to keep, trying to keep me away from you..." ♫

Today, my day was pretty decent.
Church, gym, driving, so on and so forth...

However, the dream I had this morning, was really weird.

--

I was a soldier in a SOF-like unit, investigating something weird, like a weird outbreak in a town or something. The sky was raining sewage (yes, EW), and there were chemicals being dumped in the drinking water.

The next moment, I'm a guard in a detainment facility.
All the detainees were the town's adults - strangely enough, they had no faces.
(which is a good sign)
Next thing I know, the execution order is given, and I'm trapped in a giant area with all these people crammed into small cages. The electronic gates (the main ones and the ones that formed the cages) closed.
Thinking quickly, I managed to kick my way through an unused maintenance cage and escape the area, forming back with the many observers (civilians, soldiers, guards, children). Two black girls were behind me - I did not know their fates.
As soon as I turned behind me, the gas was turned on.
Every adult in their cage began to asphyxiate - everyone began walking down this stairwell to what was supposedly the exit to the facility.

As I'm walking down the well (at this point, I'm unarmed), I overhear talk of a guard mentioning that these people were simply being lead to another detainment facility, probably meeting the same fate (if not worse).
What I did was follow a girl (a classmate of mine IRL, with one of my IRL friends following me) up a giant staircase to what was supposedly the prison complex.
As we approached the main room, the walls began to expand and begin to turn like gears.
As the gears began to turn, I woke up.

--

This dream didn't mean much to me in my waking hours, until I started to draw the lines later.
What ran through my mind as I drew the lines were the concentration camps during World War II, and how Jewish prisoners and other prisoners were gassed using Zyklon B.
It might have not been the same time era, but it definitely fit the criteria - the entire adult population of that town was gassed, and I was a perpetrator to that.
Freaky...

Not that I'm related to what happened in World War II (my family came from the Philippines), but it really didn't click at all with me for the entire day.
Being a prison guard and killing prisoners...

-Aimann L. Balatayo
Sadman.Actual

p.s.: The subject line is a lyric piece from the song "The More You Talk the Less I Hear" by Armor For Sleep.

"The first step in a long while... the long walk..."

Greetings to all.

I'm Aimann L. E. Balatayo.
a.k.a.: Sadman.Actual

This is my own blog.
Personal stuff, crazy stuff, wish lists, rants and the what-not.
Hey, in today's Internet, ANYTHING is possible.
And I mean anything.

Well, I hope to continue to keep writing.
Writing is a stress-reliever for me, from the torments of my mind.

Good day,

-Aimann L. Balatayo
Sadman.Actual